


Youth.

by TaurusQueen413



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Albino Karkat Vantas, Bad Parenting, Character Death, Depression, Foster Care, Humanstuck, Loss, Loss of Innocence, Loss of Parent(s), M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Orphanage, Pain, Sadstuck, Suicide, TW: descriptions of suicide, TW: suicide and razor blades and bad households, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 16:21:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30125541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaurusQueen413/pseuds/TaurusQueen413
Summary: 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘺 𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴'𝘊𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘞𝘦'𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘧𝘶𝘯𝘊𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘢 𝘧𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘐𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘧𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦.
Relationships: Eridan Ampora/Karkat Vantas, Gamzee Makara/Terezi Pyrope, Sollux Captor/Feferi Peixes
Kudos: 3





	Youth.

**Author's Note:**

> A sadstuck story? Wow. Anyway, I wrote this sadstuck bit and literally cried during the making of it. Like twice lol. I listened to Youth and Medicine by Daughtery. 
> 
> How to Save A Life by The Fray also played at the end. Also, if anyone is having suicidal thoughts, please contact someone. You are loved. 
> 
> I love you all, so much. Please stay safe. ❤️

It was cold. Was it supposed to be that cold? It was March for fucks sake. Yesterday it was hot. Sweltering hot, so hot that Karkat couldn't even go outside. Now it was cold? Fuck this. Absolutely fuck this. He slumped against the wall of the bridge. The rough concrete torn into his jacket. 

He didn't know what time it was. It was dark. The moon was high in the sky but that could've meant it was either 11pm to 2 am. He had no clue. The black sky mimicked how he felt inside. He was so empty. He was so tired. So 𝘚𝘖 tired. Everything tired him. Everything was so taxing, it was insane. People sucked his energy faster than some prostitute sucking off some John. He curled into himself, pulling his hood over his hair. His white hair. 

The kids at his school hated it. He hated it. He hated him. The sore on his side wasn't going anywhere, and the bruise on his arm wasn't either. Stupid bullies. Stupid fucks. What little friends Karkat had didn't seem to see he was being pushed around by Gamzee Makara. He and Gamzee had been close friends once, but after a particular summer away at camp, Gamzee came back mean. Karkat tried to make amends, but nothing seemed to work. So he stopped. Gamzee didn't. 

The juggalo with three scars across his face was relentless in making Karkat howl in pain. Throwing him against lockers, smashing his head into his lunch tray, clawing at his sides with dirty fingernails. Kicking him when he was down. Karkat went home to his shitty foster parents with more bruises than yesterday, and they never asked. It was obvious they never cared. They saw him as a paycheck for free food and money from the government. Karkat didn't care. How could he? He was separated from his older brother Kankri when their father Malik, was killed. It had been a murder, when Karkat was 10. Kankri was 15.

𝘒𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘳𝘪 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘒𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘪𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘥. 𝘔𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘬 𝘸𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘱 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘣𝘳𝘰𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘯. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘴𝘤𝘶𝘧𝘧𝘭𝘦, 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘢 𝘨𝘶𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘵. 𝘈 𝘵𝘩𝘶𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘶𝘧𝘧𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘒𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘥𝘰. 𝘏𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘥 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴, 𝘤𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘶𝘱𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘴, 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵. 𝘒𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘢𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘬𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘧𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘳 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢 𝘨𝘶𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘵. 𝘏𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘭𝘶𝘮𝘱𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘶𝘯. 𝘏𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘯𝘶𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴 '9-1-' 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘨𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘏𝘦 𝘱𝘶𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 '1' 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱.

The memory was always unsavory. Waking up in a cold sweat because of it was even less so. No therapy could undo the sticky warm feeling of his father's blood between his fingers as he held the phone. Nothing could make him forget his father's coffee breath as he read him 'Where The Wild Things Are.', nothing could change the fact he hadn't seen Kankri in over 5 years. Thrown into the piss poor foster system of Alterna City, they were jostled home from home, sticking out for years until Kankri got out he was 20 and Karkat was 15. Kankri never looked back. Karkat was taken in by some family that already had kids. 6 to be exact.

Karkat missed him. He missed him so much it hurt. But he would never let it show. If he cried at home he'd get beat. Starved. Cut up like some meat in a butcher shop. They warped him into something he wasn't. He was a husk of who he was as a kid. Always hurt, always angry. always missing people he knows were no longer there. He wondered if Kankri missed him. Tonight it'll all end, and he'll be safe again. He took a ragged breath and sat up. Turning his red eyes to the note he had beside him, he decided to re-read it. Just to be sure there was no last minute altercations needed.

"𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘢 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢 𝘰𝘧 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥. 𝘐 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯, 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘰𝘵? 𝘈𝘯𝘺𝘸𝘢𝘺, 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘣𝘺𝘦. 

𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘨𝘰 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘣𝘺 𝘰𝘯𝘦, 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘦𝘭𝘵. 𝘐𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵, 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵? 𝘖𝘯𝘦 𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘧𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬? 

𝘋𝘢𝘷𝘦, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘰𝘭, 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘢𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘥𝘢𝘺. 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘤𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘦. 𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘢 𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘦𝘯𝘫𝘰𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘱𝘢𝘯𝘺. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.

𝘛𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘻𝘪, 𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘮𝘦. 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘦𝘧𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘎𝘢𝘮𝘻𝘦𝘦. 𝘐 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯 𝘐 𝘥𝘰, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘐 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴𝘯'𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘮𝘦. 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳. 

𝘎𝘢𝘮𝘻𝘦𝘦. 𝘍𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦. 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘦. 𝘐 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘐 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘸𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥'𝘷𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘢 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱. 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘪𝘵 𝘛𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘻𝘪 𝘐 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘎𝘰𝘥 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘢𝘶𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘴. 

𝘌𝘳𝘪𝘥𝘢𝘯. 𝘔𝘢𝘯, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦. 𝘈𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘺 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮, 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦. 𝘉𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘵, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦. 𝘐 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯, 𝘐 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘦. 𝘐 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘵. 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘥𝘰. 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘐'𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵. 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘴𝘩 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥'𝘷𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 

𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘭. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘒𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘳𝘪. 𝘉𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳, 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘣𝘶𝘭𝘭𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵. 𝘐 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘮𝘢𝘯. 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩. 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 

𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭. 𝘈𝘯𝘺𝘸𝘢𝘺, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘨𝘰 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘨𝘶𝘭𝘢𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴. 𝘋𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐'𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘦. 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘵𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘐'𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘥𝘢𝘥."

He set the paper down, pulling out the singular razor he detached from his foster father's safety razor. The note was good enough. Someone would find it and deliver the message. He pulled his jacket off, biting his pale lip at the biting cold. Rolling up his sweater sleeves, he pressed the blade against his skin, readying to make more marks to accompany the thousands of others he made. The first cut was hard. A part of him wanted to just nick himself and go home, but it wasn't home to begin with.

He dug it in deeper, deeper until the bright red ran down his tiny wrist. He had stopped eating properly months ago. Pain ripped through him and it was followed by the stuff and eventual numbness. He made another, and another until his arm was covered in vibrant red blood. It dropped down onto the concrete, staining the ground. A gust of wind blew some droplets onto his jeans, but he couldn't care less. He went to work on his other arm, mechanically slicing away at the pale flesh. His phone buzzed.

When he looked, he saw it was Eridan. 

'𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘬𝘢𝘳, 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬𝘪𝘯, 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘣𝘶𝘴𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵? 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘰𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘢. 𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘢 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘢 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘧𝘪𝘯'

Oh Eri... Karkat gazed fondly at his text. He remembered vividly how they met, and how hard he fell for the Aquarius man. It was perturbing. How could a bright and sassy asshole like Eridan would ever seen Karkat good enough to be HIS friend was such a foreign concept. It's hard to type back, 'sorry I'm kinda at the park rn, Maybe another time?'

He says it like there will be another time. A text came back just as quick. 'thats okay, I'll come to ya. I really gotta talk to ya'

FUCK! Karkat let a soft wail slip from his trembling lips. "no. no no nonononononononoNO-" He scrambled for his phone but it hit the concrete with a loud crack and the screen fizzled off. "FUCK!" he sobbed, burying his face in his trembling hands. They felt heavy, and he felt cold. Colder than before. The wind stung his wounds. He had to finish, or else he'd get shit from so many people. Picking up the blade, he made messy work of his arms, never minding how shallow they would get. He pressed one particular spot and cut a deeper than he ever had. He howled and dropped the blade, finally too weak to finish.

He fell lip against the wall, remembering his time with Eridan, how he would hug Karkat in the back of his car after a bad day at school. How when hey had sleepovers their hands would brush each other under the blanket, and how Eridan would press his face into Karkats hair, muttering compliments when he thought Karkat was asleep. Karkat would watch that very man pine after Fefari, who was dating Sollux, his mortal enemy. Karkat knew Eridan wouldn't just stop loving her. He wasn't even sure Eridan liked men.

The redheaded Irishman would vent for hours to the albino, crying over how life was unfair. Karkat would bite his tounge, not daring to open and say something he'd regret. He hadn't talked about Fef in a while, definitely not when Karkat was around. He seemed like he couldn't care less about her, which gave Karkat some relief. But that didn't say much for nursing a romance with Eridan. Karkat was use to hiding his emotions. Why would hiding them from Eridan be any different?

The pain in his arm was no where to be felt. Not a single ache or anything. Just numbness and cold. He felt guilty that Eridan would see him like this. He was weak. Closing his eyes, he fell asleep. His last thought was of Eridan, and how nice it would've been to hold his hand. He didn't wake up.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eridan huffed against the cold, watching his breath come up in a white fog. Karkat was probably around the bridge. It was his favorite place to go, and since the park was the only place that had said bridge was, that was were Eridan was heading. His guts were all twisted up, and his legs shook. Was he really gonna vomit his love for the man at 2:30 am? Yes. Yes he was.

He had learned, rather painfully, that Fef just was not interested, and so he moved on. He licked his wounds alone, and put on a brave face. Karkat was there with him through thick and thin, comforting him with rom-coms and candies. He started to adore Karkat. He loved everything about him, from how his hair would stick up in the morning to the way he tied his shoes. Fef was nothing to him now, just a cringey memory. Karkat had to know, he absolutely had to. Eridan wouldn't be able to function if he didn't.

He strolled past the bare trees that casted an eery look about the park. They clicked and cracked together in the wind. He ignored them and sent another text. Karkat wasn't responding, oddly enough. He never not responded unless he was alseep or in the shower. Was he asleep? Probably was, silly man. It was late at night after all. Eridan rounded the corner and hurried up onto the stone bridge, bile rising. A gust of wind carried the stench of iron to his nose. He stopped. Nervousness settled deep within his stomach.

He made the trek alone the bridge, finding Karkat leaning against the wall. Smiling he jogged over, grabbing onto his arm. He was met with cold liquid, liquid that stained his skin. He inspected Karkat's arms with wide eyes. It was like his brain couldn't comprehend what had happened. He knew what happened, but it was like his own body couldn't compute. He shook Karkat, voice trembling. "Kar, cmon, awake up... Wwake up, please! I lovve you Kar, please wwake up!" He grabbed Karkat's shoulders, shaking him harder. "Please no no no not you please god no," He sobbed, pulling Karkat's head to his chest. He stroked at the hair, smearing blood into the soft locks.

He wondered what he did wrong, where he had gone wrong in comforting Karkat. He sobbed into Karkat's scalp, begging him to wake up. Screaming profanities at the sky, cursing whatever God or dieity was up there. He saw something laying by the puddle of blood that mocked his reflection. He picked it up, read it and sobbed even harder.

"𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰𝘰, 𝘒𝘢𝘳."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘺 𝘰𝘯𝘦  
'𝘊𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘶𝘴 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘣𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦  
𝘚𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘧𝘶𝘯  
𝘛𝘰 𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮  
𝘉𝘶𝘵 𝘐'𝘮 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘮


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